Quiz

This is very useful for practicing for DLA/ESA

‎1. Itching
Do you have an itch? Is it behind your ear? If so please can you define if it is
a) Itchy?
b) Moochy?
c) Tiny?
d) Totty
e) Insignificant.

‎2. Bathing
What exactly do you wash? Bits? Bits and bobs? Up and down? Left? Right? All over?
a) I prefer a car wash
b) The cat licks me all over. I like it. I pay my cat as she is my P.A.
c) Baby wipes every time.
d) I use a scraper and olive oil
e) Bird bath (am applying for accessible one, due to recent perilous situation).

‎3. Sex
Obviously sex takes energy, and in order for us to assess how on earth you conceived you need to tell us in full and frank details how you ever got it on if your legs are made of cr*p?
a) I use Satnav
b) Hoist plus Velcro
c) Velcro plus clingfilm
d) E-bay
e) 4-ply and a bit of superglue. Plus fruit.

‎4. Eating
You do eat don’t you? Everyone likes to eat. It’s what normal people do. And that’s what you are. You’re just a Normal person who is ‘DISABLED”. Well done looking so normal, when, um, you’re not.
a) Jelly babies.
b) Jelly babies on toast
c) Satnav
d) I suck the dew off lemons
e) Whatever is left on my child’s plate.

‎5. And finally. Questions I have genuinely heard asked or that other people have been asked in actual tribunal situations.
a) So if your knees are sore, then how do you kneel down to pray (in church)?
b) How did you start dating (your girlfriend?)
c) Your bowels are loose X many times per day, (Not a question. An opening statement, straight after introductions)
d) Let me just test your babinski reflex (during a medical), with this. This was the doctor’s car keys.
e) You are too sick to complete this medical. Therefore you will have another one so we can assess how sick you are. (this happened to me. It took three medicals).